Changing Husbands

For many years, I wanted to change my husband. I prayed and fasted regularly that he would change in many aspects. I didn't nag - oh, no! I asked God to change him, while I waited expectantly, maybe dropping him a hint now and then.

I believed that if I were an awesome wife, he would naturally fall into place as an awesome husband, so I began early in our marriage to read "Marriage Fix-It" books. I read and applied every page. If the book said to wear make-up and a ribbon in my hair, I did it. If the book said to have dinner ready and a clean house, I knocked myself out to get it done. Wear a dress, make home-made bread, train the kids, seduce the husband - I checked off the list with each book. Submission - I had that down pat. I was desperate. Finally, the information in my growing collection of books was beginning to repeat itself. I was worn out from the struggle to be perfect, and still, I hadn't changed my husband!
I "happened" to listen to the testimony of Jenny Speed (www.witministries.com) who suggested that instead of fasting and praying for my husband to change, I should fast and pray for God to change me. I shrugged off that suggestion, since I had already changed every part of my life to be the perfect wife. The prayer for change was obviously for women who hadn't already tried everything I had tried, hadn't read all my books. My husband was the bad boy. He hadn't read anything, nor tried to change anything. Besides that, I was afraid to ask God to change me! What more could He possibly want from me? I was already overworked and overwhelmed! Nope. I could not ask God to change me anymore.
Well, friends, I finally arrived at the point where I decided I had nothing to lose. I remember how difficult it was to articulate the words, "Change me." I tried several times before the simple prayer was spoken, but when I succeeded, something broke (my will? my pride? self-effort?). I can't describe the Power that seemed to be released at that moment. Thus began a journey to the center of my heart.
I must admit things got worse before they got better. In desperation, I called a Christian couple who utilized Theophostic prayer ministry (http://www.theophostic.com/*) and asked for an appointment. I discovered (among many other things) a repressed memory of a traumatic event when I was very young which had affected every area of my life. There were many other memories which, while not repressed, were never resolved. I discovered why I was indecisive, afraid of the dark, never got along with my mother, and had a victim mentality. Many of these memories had been a constant source of pain to me, while some were shelved away in my mind. I would highly recommend Theophostic ministry to anyone who is trying to resolve emotional pain. The web site has a directory to locate a trained prayer minister in your area. I have received ministry from 3 different ladies, and have been blessed by each one.
I continued my journey to healing with Paul Hegstrom's teaching on "The Brain" and Barbara Wilson's book, "The Invisible Bond." I never would have dreamed I had so much baggage I was dragging around. I thought my husband was the one with the problem! I would also like to clarify that, in regard to glaring sins in my past, I had confessed them all to God, my husband, and my parents, long ago, and I know I was forgiven. I discovered, however, that there is a big difference between forgiveness and being free.
I was so afraid to ask God to change me! I thought He would add more burdens to my heavy load - but He really wanted to carry my burdens for me! It had nothing to do with my housekeeping, cooking, or clothing. It had to do with setting me free.
As an added bonus, when my husband saw the changes in the way I responded to life, he began his own personal search for freedom. Now, every time I think he needs a boost in the right direction, I catch myself and pray, "Lord, change me." And I really do mean it.

(*The Theophostic website has been changed up quite a bit, and is much harder to navigate. Not sure if the list can be accessed anymore without joining something. However, the founder has a book entitled "Healing Life's Deepest Hurts" by Edward M.Smith which is a good place to start.)

Remember: "It didn't come to stay, it came to pass."