It's Finally Here!

Allison Times

February, 2016

Editors: Herb and Kim Allison

Reporters: Caleb (27), Bethany (25), Timothy (23), Joseph (20), Hannah Grace (19), Jubilee (10)

Unexpected Blessings

   Joseph presented us with our first grandchild, Brantley Drew Allison, on August 23, 2015. Brantley and his mom, Shaelee, were welcomed into the family, and the crib is back in its same old place in our bedroom, cradling a new generation. The only problem is, the new generation doesn’t like cribs. He’s not spoiled, he just prefers to be sort of held while he sort of sleeps. J

Raising the Bar

   Hannah Grace has one goal in life: to beat Timothy. Although she couldn’t graduate from high school earlier than he did, she determined to have more people at her graduation party. Having accomplished this, she headed overseas to countries Timothy had never seen.  Hannah Grace spent 3 weeks waltzing around Italy (Rome, Milan, Venice), Greece (Athens, Leros and Patmos Islands), and Egypt with her friend, Tisha.  They rode camels, sailed canals, and explored cathedrals till the cows came home.   Eat your heart out, Timothy! 

Cruisin’

     Bethany, having barely enough money to buy food, took off on a Caribbean cruise with 2 of her friends. They docked in Mexico, Jamaica, and the Cayman Islands.  They petted sting rays, climbed volcanos, and saw Bob Marley on every corner. Bethany reports no mishaps, other than getting separated from her friends in Mexico – and what could possibly go wrong there? J No wonder her mother’s hair is turning grey! 

Flip or Flop?

   After watching too many reality shows, Timothy decided to flip a house. A 1950 bank repo in need of major remodeling was his first optimistic attempt. “I’ll have it done in 2-3 weeks, max, and make $50,000.00 on it.” That was last August. After a few issues with plumbing, sheetrock, windows, floors, roof, and siding, it’s on the home stretch, now. He has actually spent a few cold nights on a cot in his new humble abode, only to discover the house didn’t come with food and a chef. Still anxious to move in, he treats every visitor to a paintbrush and a bucket of paint. Approach with caution. 

Bub’s History Tours

    Jubilee and Mom experienced a whole text-book full of history in a one week road-trip led by Caleb’s Trivia and Tours. First stop: Vicksburg, Mississippi for the battle site of The Siege of Vicksburg. Jubilee walked the trenches while Caleb described the battles in living color. No need for PBS.

   We also discovered the first Coca-Cola bottling plant (actually the back room of a soda shop) and the Riverfront Murals on the levee depicting the history of the town. Mom could have stayed there a week prowling through the historical homes.

   Next stop:   Mobile, Alabama to tour the USS Alabama. 5 hours later, Caleb was satisfied that we had explored every square inch of the giant WWII battleship. The King Tut traveling museum was on display in Mobile, as well, and Jubilee breathlessly described the artifacts she recognized from a book she had read (The Mummy’s Tomb). She could finally appreciate Caleb’s enthusiasm over the gun turrets.

   Mom’s favorite attraction was a hilarious “accidental” tour of downtown Mobile by some very colorful locals. Or was her favorite part the clean white hotel sheets at the end of every day? Or the meals she didn’t have to cook? Or the drama she escaped for a week? No matter, it was all good, and she is hooked. All she needs is a job that makes enough money to travel but doesn’t demand that she show up to work. Is Uncle Curt hiring?

Happy Hunting Ground

   Maybe there was something in the water. Or something in the air.  For whatever reason, Timothy and Joseph handed their rifles over to their female hunting companions and braced themselves. The first day Shaelee had ever seen a gun, she dropped a big doe. Timothy’s friend, “Red”, with slightly more firearm experience, shot a slightly smaller doe (Sorry, Red, but newspaper reporters have to be brutally honest, especially in regard to venison.).

   Herb dragged home a-------nothing? This is the first year in recorded history that the deer slayer has come up empty handed, and he is not happy. Maybe he should have handed his rifle over to his wife. J

   Joseph killed two with a bow and barely qualified for his first wall mount with an eight-point. Timothy was too busy to hunt, but accidently hit an eight-point with his truck. Too bad it’s illegal to hang those antlers on the wall. Yes, it’s entirely too bad.

On the Road Again

   Joseph is still climbing towers and gone all the time, but he has penciled in a vacation for May 14 – his upcoming wedding to Shaelee! Stay tuned!

The Wrecking Crew

   It was a bad year for vehicles in the Allison Family. Timothy backed into a car in a parking lot and walked away with the ticket. Joseph rolled and totaled his truck-to-beat-all, and walked away with only a few brain cells missing. Bethany rear-ended a vehicle in Tulsa traffic while driving Hannah Grace’s car. Thereafter, Hannah Grace became the very unhappy driver of a 4-toned heap while it evolved into repair. But not for long! Han ran a red light in front of a delivery truck and destroyed it. No more embarrassing ride, and ‘the Hanster’ wobbled away with all of her hair pins still in place and all of her gym clothes scattered on the road.

   Fast forward a few months to Herb’s insurance cancellation notice. Pretty amazing when you consider he works for the company. It was every man for himself as he threw kids off the policy and out the door in order to save his pristine driving record. Well, the majority were planning on moving out eventually, anyway.

The Curse of the Feral Cats

   Bethany demanded that we spend all our time and money trying to save a litter of wild kittens in Herb’s shop. Mom warned her not to do it, but Bethany adopted 2 of these kitties and her entire apartment building came under a curse. Legend has it you aren’t supposed to move feral cats from where you find them. Bad hoo-doo. Bethany showed up in Urgent Care twice and the ER once with strange unnamed jungle diseases. Unnamed, that is, until the CDC got involved. Now, all health care workers in Tulsa are briefed on Feral Cat Curses.

   Beyond that, Bethany took the cats to the vet no less than 6 times in the first 3 months of their lives. She could have bought 38 kitties at the pet shop for what these 2 wild ones have cost her in haz-mat suits, soaps, sprays, meds, exterminators, and missed work. She still has to bathe in horse shampoo once a week to keep her eyebrows from falling out (true story), but she loves her “boys” and would never put them outside. Bless her heart.

Missionary Mom

   With no real excuse to stay home, Mom went on the church mission trip for the first time ever. It was a bittersweet experience, since all the big kids who were so involved in years past had moved on. Homesickness set in when she rolled past the last familiar exit sign headed for Wisconsin. The church they stayed in served the poor, homeless, and ex-cons, who became active members, who, in turn, reached out to share with others in dire straits. A fascinating example of a living church in action.

  There was a lot of action in Mom’s room, too, when an ADHD mouse shot through the cook’s quarters at midnight. Chairs, beds, and ladies crashed into one another as the mouse sped ‘round and ‘round the perimeter of the room. Amid the screams (all of them mom’s), the mouse was captured in a trash can by some handy teenagers. This was the first and only time Mom was ever happy to see teenagers.

Flying High!

Timothy is finally a pilot and even took his mama up for a plane ride! To keep from flying around the globe, he had to convince Mom to let him bank the plane to return. No easy task with her fingernails embedded into his arm.

                                                                      Rise and Shine!

 

   On a last minute lark, Herb, Kim, and Jubilee decided to run off to Eureka Springs for the Easter Sunrise Service held at “Christ of the Ozarks” on the grounds of The Great Passion Play. “Awesome” doesn’t do it justice. “Freezing” gets a little closer. Weather aside, the “awe” started when we parked the car and started the long quiet walk up the hill in the dark. We imagined the heavy hearts of those pre-dawn mourners who silently carried spices to the tomb of Jesus a few thousand years ago. We found our seats among a small group of strangers at the base of the statue and silently waited for sunrise. With the first hint of daylight, someone started to sing:

   Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.

   Because He lives, all fear is gone.

   Because I know He holds the future,

   My life is worth the living just because He lives!

In the light of a new Easter morning, we could rejoice with those long-ago followers who found the tomb empty! After a riveting talk by a local pastor, we started back down the hill. Our steps and our hearts were lighter, knowing we can have hope in any situation because of Jesus’ resurrection. And nearly a year later, Jubilee still says it was the best weekend of her life! 

Team Jenna!

   A few years ago, Kim’s cousin Jenna started making weekly visits for crafts, fingernails, and “girl time.” She and Jubilee have painted and decorated anything that will stand still long enough and entertained a growing number of visitors to their “tea parties” (we counted 14 once).

   Last fall, Jenna joined us in the 5K Hero Run at Honor Heights Park. Herb muscled her wheelchair up and down the hills and across the finish line to claim a victory for ‘Team Jenna’. At that point, we needed two wheelchairs because Herb wasn’t moving. He eventually crawled to Charlie’s Chicken to recover his strength and be ready for the next race. Gotta build up those muscles!

Millionaire Musings

     Timothy branched out and started his own appliance repair business, RSG (Really Stinkin Good). His goal: millionaire within a year (do you see a pattern here?) So far, it has entailed 24 hour paperwork, but ever-hopeful Timothy keeps on repairing. When he makes that first million, he is planning to purchase an airplane, or better yet, a helicopter!   

This Won’t Hurt a Bit!

   Hannah Grace couldn’t understand why the entire panel stayed doubled over with laughter when she went for her interview for admission to LPN school. It was a mystery why they thought her answers were so funny. Hannah related later, “They asked how I would handle certain situations that might come up with staff members or patients, and I would just say, ‘Here’s how my mom handled that when it happened at home...’.” Her family must have made a good impression, because she made the cut as the youngest member of the class. She is now half way through school, can start an IV like a boss, and is planning a medical mission trip to Africa as soon as the license is in hand.  Looks like more grey hair for mom.

Footnotes

   Timothy couldn’t go a whole year stateside, so he made a quick 8-day trip to Mexico to explore the unexplored and climb some mountains. He discovered some interesting people and places but has yet to disclose any incriminating details.

   Jubilee set a family record for the shortest lived goat herd business. They came and went with lightening speed. Could be because 'farm manager' Herb had already fixed all the fences he had ever planned to fix in his lifetime and has glued his backside to the recliner. Sorry, Jubilee. Try again in a couple of  years when your Daddy has forgotten what a goat looks like. 

   Hannah Grace took a few road trips last year to visit friends in Illinois and Texas, and snowboard in Colorado. She is getting better at navigation and was pleasantly surprised to actually arrive at her chosen destinations without getting lost!

   Mom and Jubilee were the only travelers on the annual pilgrimage to Big Sandy, TX for the homeschool convention. We had to have help putting up our tent, had to borrow an air mattress, and had to bum a sandwich the first night, but otherwise, we were well prepared. Just like boy scouts. J

The newsletter you've been waiting for!

ALLISON TIMES

  January 2015

Editors: Herb and Kim Allison

Reporters: Caleb -26, Bethany -24, Timothy -22,   Joseph – 19, Hannah Grace – 18, Jubilee – 9

The Buck Stops Here

   Herb won the hunting prize in 2014 with a 10 point buck he shot just over the back fence. The best part of it, according to Herb, was having Kim help him drag it home. This unique event was only made possible because no boys were around (some people have to work).  A few other family members killed a 6 point and a 4 point, but they pale in comparison to Herb’s deer. Not really worth mentioning. Sorry, boys.   

Going to the Dogs

   The Allisons don’t have very good luck with dogs. They come and go – some more tragically than others. This year, we started out with a lab/crocodile/kangaroo mix that drove us crazy. We found a good home for her after 6 months of being blind-sided and chewed to ribbons. Undaunted, Kim brought in a Great Pyrenees fur ball who is adorable, except for the puddles  she leaves all over the house. She will move outside as soon as she’s coyote-proof, and will hopefully clear the yard of varmints. But for now, she won’t get off the porch!

Clear for Take-Off!

   Nerves of Steel. That’s what it takes to be a flight instructor. Especially if your student is named Timothy Allison. Timothy used up two instructors last year working toward his license. His airborne jaunts were limited to weekends due to the instructors’ need to recuperate between sessions, but the end is finally in sight.  All he needs is a weekend of clear weather and a brave FAA examiner, then... no more TSA pat-downs!

All A-board!

   Hannah Grace arranged her own ski trip, recruiting friends to share expenses and Timothy to teach her the fine art of snow-boarding. His maxim: “If you go fast enough, you’ll eventually stay up.” Hannah Grace made her teacher proud and put it in high gear. If only we could print the videos! 

Law and Order

   We used to say, “At least, none of our kids are in jail,” but Bethany changed all that. She spent most of 2014 behind bars. But only by choice. She was recently promoted to Deputy, and at the end of 2014 was moved to booking, which is much less stressful for her mother. Bethany considers her job at the Tulsa County Jail a ministry, and was able to share Jesus with many of the inmates and coworkers, whether they liked it or not.

Those Daring Young Men!

   When Joseph entered the big world of real jobs, he was forced to start brush-hogging his wild oats (although word has it he still has plenty planted on the back 40). Rising before dawn really curtails the late-night adventures, so most of his escapades in 2014 were financial. He bought and sold a 4-wheeler and a car, and bought and kept a truck and a motorcycle. He has learned that most vehicle owners are not willing to buy back the vehicle after he has driven it for a year, like good ol’ Dad or Uncle Curt would do.

   On the up side, for staying so long on the job, Joseph has promoted himself to the lofty position of “Tower Commander” and rules the roost from 300’ above ground. This came in very handy when Brother Timothy joined the climbing crew for a few months, just for fun. 

Daddy Sang Bass…

   The “Family Carolers” ventured into new territory this year when we huddled in front of the Creek Casino to serenade the “gamers.” The staff was very cordial, bringing us hot cider and hanging around to listen (or were they keeping an eye on us?). Like it or not, they all heard “Fall on your knees” and “Christ the Savior is Born” several times through! We also enjoyed caroling at the VA Hospital again and Country Gardens assisted living center.  The Allisons and Prices have a few members who can carry the melody, a few who can find the harmony, and a few who are just good and loud! It’s our favorite part of Christmas, so If you need any caroling done, …me and little brother will join right in there…J

The Road Less Traveled

   Timothy and friend Martin Bayer biked cross-country the short way (top to bottom) to raise awareness and funding for “She is Safe” and “Global Equip Ministries”. Along the way, they ate and bunked with total strangers – who may have been angels in disguise.  In their own words: “1300 miles. 18 days. 12 flat tires. 4 broken spokes. 2 wrecks. 1 epic adventure. We made it to the Gulf!” If you missed it, it’s not too late to donate to sheissafe.org or globalequip.net. Lots of pictures on their facebook page: “Tim & Martys wheely far and epic bike ride.”

Oldie but a Goodie

   Caleb keeps “Pa” (Kim’s Dad) entertained every Thursday evening with Old Movie Night at the Roxy Theater. The Roxy is a landmark in Muskogee which has been refurbished for nostalgia buffs just like Pa. 

Reinventing the Route

   All-wise Hannah Grace just had to drive to Austin to visit her friend before school started. Map- quest said 7.5 hours, but Han made it in 12. Seems she took the business route through every town along the way. Every town. We tried to explain how that wasn’t necessary, but somehow… somehow… she got lost in Austin airport on the way home, with no discernable reason for being there. Thank God the airport was closed (they do that in Austin) or she might have ended up on the run-way. Hannah’s guardian angels need tranquilizers.

Run for Your Life

   Jubilee begged Kim to register for the 5K run. Kim begged Jubilee to stay home. Jubilee won the argument with the stipulation that she not run off and leave her mother behind. They didn’t come in dead last - they beat a guy on crutches who was recuperating from surgery. Determined to get in shape, Kim registered Jubilee and herself for 3 more 5K races, and this time Jubilee begged to stay home. Dragging Jubilee off the couch is like dragging a water buffalo out of the mud.

North to Alaska!

   Timothy spent 3 weeks in Alaska building and restoring homes with Samaritan’s Purse. In addition to the carpentry, he enjoyed the Northern Lights, bear cubs, and chewing the fat with the locals while skinning a moose. He met the Director of FEMA and still had enough time to road-trip Alaska in a rented Jeep. Good times.

The Jog is Up

   Even freezing rain couldn’t stop Timothy from claiming his first marathon medal in Little Rock last spring. But one marathon is never enough! Hannah Grace talked him into running with her in the Tulsa Route 66 Marathon. The Hollywood high-jump she planned for the finish line went awry and cleared out a row of spectators; but thankfully, no one was hurt.

Too Far Gone

   Jubilee, buoyed by her successful mission trip to Texas in 2013, jumped on the bus bound for Illinois last summer with her dad. She didn’t realize that homesickness is directly proportional to the miles traveled away from home, and inversely proportional to the likelihood of mom coming to get you. Mom got many calls and texts every day from a sad girl saying, “I love you!” “I miss you!” “I wanta come home!” These messages are being archived to be retrieved when she turns 13.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner!

   Herb’s niece, Samantha, and her children spent Thanksgiving week with us and really stirred things up! Herb took Ty on a hunting trip with Ty’s BB gun while Sam, Amari, and Geo helped out in the kitchen. They came expecting a farm, but since we currently have nary a goat nor chicken, Kim drove the kids around to the neighborhood farms for a progressive field trip of pigs, horses, turkeys, and sheep. Ty hung out with the guys and had a personal duck-cleaning class from Timothy and Joseph.

More Than You Can Chew

   Bethany’s job allows her a free pass to the Tulsa Fair, and she always invites Jubilee to join her. With no interest in riding any rides, Bethany treats to caramel-dipped fried pickles, corn-dog a-la-mode, and chocolate-covered turkey legs . . . everything she missed in childhood. The girls leave with greasy smiles and good memories, dreaming of next year’s fair. J

Footnotes

   If you’ve ever wanted to travel to far-off places, just ride along with Herb in his State Farm van. He was reassigned to cover territories beyond his imagination and it takes him half a day just to get there and back! He’s praying it won’t last long and counting the years till he can retire (12 long ones!).

   Herb, Kim and Jubilee took their turn to entertain Pa at the annual Symphony in the Park last summer at Honor Heights. To everyone’s shock, he thoroughly enjoyed it – stood and saluted at every patriotic song and introduced himself to all the performers. If they had only had an extra instrument, he would have joined the symphony!

  

Joseph enjoyed a few days off work to have his wisdom teeth extracted. Laughing gas lived up to its name, and Joseph chuckled through the whole affair. But the tank had to stay at the office! When the laughter wore off, it was every man for himself, with a few brave souls willing to throw pain pills and shakes in Joseph’s direction.

   How many years has it been since Kim and Uncle Roy began collaborating on Sharecropper's Dream ? 3? 4? They are both so picky that the wording had to be revised almost daily. But we are happy to announce “Sharecroppers Dream” is now available through Westbow Press. Whew!

   Uncle Curt’s field trip this year involved horses again, so Kim stayed home. The cousins and Jubilee, however, relished an Arabian Horse Show in Tulsa which turned into an all-day affair. Since no one in Curt’s party had to actually ride any horses, Kim could have gone, but the risk was too high. And caution is the better part of valor. Or something.

    Bethany was down with bronchitis last summer and mono this winter. The pickled chocolate onion rings at the fair finally caught up with her. But Mom caught up with her, too, bringing tonics, teas, and cod liver oil! Every moan brought suggestions for repentance and remedies, so Bethany was up and running in no time at all!

   Timothy spent a week in Mexico (where they speak no Chinese) helping present a VBS. He got so involved in a skit that he dislocated his toe. Don’t ask.

   Hannah Grace took 2 concurrent classes at Connors State College last fall and studied non-stop to add 2 A’s to her transcript.  Bringing cookies to the teacher couldn't have done any harm, either. Smart girl! 

         Just before the newsletter went to press, our puppy was accidentally backed over in our yard. We were all saddened to have to bury our sweet little pet, Princess. It was a painful reminder of the brevity of life and the uncertainty of tomorrow. Many deep discussions followed, concerning life purpose and eternal destinations (Do dogs go to Heaven?). We came away with a renewed desire to say all the “I love you’s” and “I’m sorry’s” while we can because none of us are guaranteed another breath. In the words of an old country song:

       Gonna hold who needs holdin’, mend what needs mendin’, walk what needs walkin’, though it means an extra mile.
       Pray what needs prayin’, say what needs sayin’, ‘cause we’re only here for a little while.

Allison Times - 2013 in Review

Mean Green Machine

   Hannah Grace passed her driving test in 2013 and headed straight for a lime green VW Bug in Dallas. She didn’t stop smiling for 6 months. Even when parts started rattling off, nothing could shake the Big Green Grin. Since these cars aren’t designed for dirt roads, Hannah drove it so slowly it resembled a large green turtle. Despite her TLC, the green bug threw a headlight while speeding down Hwy 169 in Tulsa. Literally threw an entire headlight, wires and all. Just let ‘er go. Hannah claims she saw it take flight, but there was nothing she could do. Hang on to the wheel and keep driving. The Big Green Grin is beginning to droop. 

Taiwan Tales

   Timothy should write a book on his Taiwan adventures, but until then, one of our favorite stories is the time his rural class of 5^th graders went on an over-night field trip to the Big City. Timothy was in charge of 4 boys who were sharing his hotel room. At least, there were 4 when he went to take his shower. When he returned, there were only 3. He figured, “No cause for alarm. The kid’s around here somewhere.”

  But, very shortly, the trip supervisor came storming into the room demanding, “Where is Sung-Fu?”

   Timothy stared blankly and replied, “Who is Sung Fu?” He only knew the kids by their American names, which he had given them (Ted? Eric? Matt?).

   This sparked an explosion of fast, furious verbiage that Timothy could only somewhat interpret. He knew very few Chinese words to fit this occasion, so he used them over and over. “So sorry. So sorry.”

   Sung-Fu eventually did return and claimed he had been there all along. No harm done, but Timothy was never again allowed to chaperone a field trip. 

Ralph! Ralph!

   As the snow melted last January, a huge, shaggy white dog appeared in the front yard. Friendly, slow and docile, Ralph was welcomed and loved by the entire Allison household. Ralph eventually proved to be a female, but it was too late to change his/her name (Hereafter, Ralph will be referred to with alternating gender pronouns). He slept all day, barked all night, and ate lots of food. Kim’s 1^st attempt at a flower garden revealed Ralph’s only flaw: she digs huge holes in flower beds. Everything Ralph does is huge. Then came the fateful fall day when the boys started sighting in their rifles. Ralph disappeared. He made a beeline for Nan and Pa’s house and has been there ever since, despite numerous vain attempts on our part to haul her home. He shows up now and then to see what’s in her dinner dish, but the guns keep sending him back up the hill. Maybe this will be her summer home (Right next to the petunias).

Onward and Upward!

   Joseph’s wrist was confronted by a grinder while working on a car last January. That ended his career in auto-body, but allowed him to post a nasty bunch of stitches on Facebook to his admiring fans. On to My Place BBQ! It’s a great place for left-overs, but after about 6 months, he had eaten all the BBQ he wanted and started climbing 300’ cell phone towers. At the top of every tower, he makes a vow to quit, but by the time he touches the ground (and gets his paycheck), he has changed his mind.

Caleb’s Field Trips

   Caleb took Jubilee to visit his favorite childhood destination: the Kirkpatrick Center in OKC (aka the Omniplex, aka the Science Museum, etc.). They both had a great time, and of course, no excursion is complete without lots of good food, at as many restaurants as you can stuff in. In that regard, they are the perfect pair. They also took a jaunt to the Tulsa Zoo last year, where Caleb got suckered into buying a picture of Jubilee on a camel, a stuffed animal from the gift shop, and many a ride on the carousel. Good times with Bubba! 

She’s in the Jailhouse, Now

  Last May, Bethany graduated from NSU with her Bachelor’s degree in Criminal Science, and is now living in Tulsa and working at the County jail (She somehow managed to remove herself from Uncle Sam’s military roster just after the last newsletter was published. We didn’t ask how, but we are eternally grateful.). Babysitting inmates has provided Bethany much character development and a few bruises. It’s a ministry.  

Pint-Sized Missionary

   At the last minute, Jubilee decided to go on the church mission trip (her first) to Texas with her dad. Without her mom. For a whole week.

   Jubilee enjoyed helping renovate an old church camp ground and also helped with meal preparations. She did need to move her cot right next to her Dad’s, but who cares? Kim spent the week painting the house in lonely solitude. Whose idea was this, anyway?

Another Dropped Call in Brazil

   As soon as Timothy came home from Taiwan, he was making plans to go to Brazil. He worked (like a horse!) 2 months with a missionary couple who ran a drug rehab “ranch” and was even able to do a little preaching through an interpreter. He also helped another missionary family get their operation off the ground and into the water – a floating ministry - to bring fresh-water wells to the villages along the Amazon River. This Amazon boat-tour fulfilled a lifelong dream of Timothy’s, and the Amazon still has his heart. It still has his cell phone, too. It slipped into the murky waters while he was sleeping on deck. Only the piranhas kept him from diving in after it.

The Ballad of the Honda Rebel

   Years ago, when Timothy got his motorcycle license, Herb went in halves with him to buy a Honda Rebel. Later, Timothy sold it to Joseph, and just to be fair, Herb went in halves with him to buy it. Then Joseph sold it to Hannah, and she sold it to Herb for more than she paid for it (having never driven it past the mailbox). Now, since Herb is the sole, uncontested owner of the Rebel, Joseph has borrowed it. He is trying to sell Herb the truck that Herb gave him last year. And Herb’s major was Business Finance! Could someone loan Herb a calculator?

   Please note that Bethany opted out of the line-up of Rebel ownership. When her turn came, she took one practice ride on the dirt bike and drove it straight up the kids’ clubhouse, snapping every rung on the rope ladder as she went. Kept the throttle wide open all the way. “Never let go” has been her motto since childhood; tenacity, her greatest strength. The ride down was more abrupt. After she revived, we easily convinced her to stick with 4-wheeled vehicles.

A-Camping We Will Go

   Last summer, Uncle Curt organized a camp-out at Robbers’ Cave State Park for any willing nieces and nephews. Jubilee and Mom represented the Allison family, while Kristen’s clan boasted a full tent with all 7 members present. Caleb acted as spelunking guide, but hit the trail home before the raccoon made its midnight appearance and looted our snacks. It saved us some calories but kept us up most of the night rattling chip bags.

   The trip included swimming, hiking, rock climbing, and horseback riding. Kim stared down her life-long fear of horses and agreed to ride, but only if her horse was nicknamed “Granny” and had never had more than one hoof off the ground at a time. When the trail wound slowly through a nest of hornets (or something similar), even seasoned riders were bailing off, and “Granny” high-tailed it home, along with 3 other renegade horses. Kim was grateful to walk back in peace, her fear of horses still intact. With two good legs and a set of car keys, no one really needs to ride horses, anyway. No need to prove anything. All of the cousins and Jubilee continued the trail ride without a hitch J and are ready for the next  Uncle Curt Adventure.

Goodness Snakes!

   We discovered that Timothy isn’t afraid to tackle any project - plumbing, electrical, carpentry - unless it involves snakes. While crawling under the house to re-route a gas line, Timothy encountered a snake. He shot out backward and kept running - pale, breathless and stuttering; grass and dirt flying off his hair and clothes.  He suggested we hire that little job out to a plumber friend, and just not tell him about the snake. That’s how we treat our friends. 

If the Barn Needs Painted…

   It started small. We just needed to replace the kitchen carpet. It was 20 years old, after all. But first, let’s move the island and upper cabinets over to the wall. And take out the upper cabinets above the bar. And add a concrete pass-through bar into the living room. Add a built-in spice rack, remove the pantry, strip and paint the dining room table (Curt’s idea), add a ceiling fan, move out the file cabinets, paint the ceiling and walls, and lay down a wide plank knotty pine floor (Timothy’s idea). But wait! That makes the floor too tall for the doors to open and close, so all the doors had to be raised ¾”. This revealed a problem with water drainage on the back deck, which required taking half the deck apart. It still isn’t finished (all the interior remodeling is being done simultaneously with the painting and renovating of the outside of the house. It still isn’t finished, either. Anyone who likes to paint is welcome to join us.). And the living room carpet (20 years old, after all) looked really bad up next to the dining room wood floor, so the carpet got ripped up all the way down the hall. More wood ordered, laid, and sealed.

   But wait! Kim didn’t want to smell the deadly fumes from polyurethane sealer, so she insisted on using all natural Tung oil and citrus solvent on the floor (Timothy argued that stingrays and rattlesnakes are also all natural.). This stuff has to have 5 – 7 coats over a 2 day period, and then it takes 30 days to cure. No shoes for a month. No furniture. The family stands barefoot in the living room and stares silently at the floor. It’s all Kim’s fault. And it has to be re-sealed every year. For the rest of your life.

   Then Timothy started in on the bathroom. He wants to add a concrete counter-top, and a tiled shower. And the floor looks bad in there, too. But it’s 20 years old, after all. Timothy’s M.O. is to tear up an area and then leave the country. We have no choice but to try to repair it. “Get busy”, he says. “Have it done when I get back.” Kids these days.

   At periodic intervals during the remodeling, Timothy would invite a group of friends from out-of-state or overseas, to come and stay the week. The purpose was to push us to a frenzy of painting and hammering. It became common-place to have people sleeping on sofas and floors, and walking on drop-cloths through the construction zones.

   We are now in the midst of a 6-month standoff on countertop material. Kim doesn’t mind Formica. Herb, however, has a burning desire to replicate Fort Knox. The idea that granite would never need to be replaced or remodeled in any way speaks to his soul on a very deep level. Timothy wants to do all the counters in concrete (We’re leaning toward a farmhouse-lodge-traditional-shabby-eclectic style.). Kim fears the added weight of all that concrete may sink the kitchen. It’s 20 years old, after all. 

To Cap It Off…

  Herb’s new hobby uses up the rest of his 24 allotted hours per day. His manual ammo reloader makes 1 bullet at a time, and, oddly, has the arm mechanism of a slot machine, with the same addictive powers. Whenever Herb can’t be found, just look for him in the shop, preparing for Armageddon.

  Timothy is coaching Hannah Grace through her ACT readiness class, and keeps her saddled with assignments. He must be a good motivator, because her practice test scores are steadily improving.

   Caleb enjoys teaching his favorite subject (history) to Kristen’s kids 2 days/week. He usually hangs around long enough to eat lunch with them, but “The History Guy” claims food was not a factor in his decision.

   Bethany and Hannah Grace traveled to Moore, OK to help with the tornado clean-up. They were able to clear 2 house sites before noon, and won the unofficial title of “fastest working crew.”

    Hannah Grace and Jubilee kept the piano keys hot with lessons and a recital in 2013. They also sang a few specials in church, which made their mother very proud, indeed!

   The Allison and Price families enjoyed caroling room to room at the VA hospital and serenading the folks at Pleasant Valley Nursing Home (including a personal concert in Aunt Jenny’s room!) What we lacked in harmony, we made up for in volume, thanks to Herb and Uncle Curt!

   Chinese New Year in Taiwan means a month-long break from school, so Timothy went country hopping. He snow skied in South Korea, toured the Philippines, and visited friends in Singapore. Must be rough.

   For the 2^nd year in a row, Jubilee has been the only kid in tow at the annual home-school conference in Big Sandy, TX. Maybe this is the new normal, but Kim doesn’t like it.